Thoughts of a Dad

Being a dad is great. Evelyn's first year has flown by, along with my first year of being a dad. It is interesting to think back, before Evelyn, at how I thought I would be as a dad; and how it really is now that I am a dad.

At first, I thought I would be really hands on and helping out as much as possible, so Kala would be able to count on me and rely on me whenever she needed me. I thought I would be able to comfort Evelyn when no one else could. Or make her stop crying just by holding her close. Changing her diaper would be a breeze (I had only ever changed one diaper before Evie and I put that one on backwards). I had all of these ideas on how I should be or what I should be doing. And I think Kala had some ideas on how she thought I would be too. So I didn't want to let her down.

When Evelyn came into the world I was right there by Kala's side (well actually her head because she had a C-section) and I was a little nervous that I couldn't handle being a dad. Was I ready? Were we ready? Can we do this? Can I do this? All of this went through my mind as I was standing there, but then I saw Evelyn for the first time and I was instantly hers, forever. She had stolen my heart with her beautiful blue eyes and I wasn't getting it back.

In the hospital I did as much as I could to try and give Kala time to recover. Evelyn was so alert and aware of what was going on that it seemed like we had a two week old, instead of a 2 day old. I stayed home with Kala the first two days we were at home. It was wonderful. Evelyn was sleeping good and eating pretty well. We had decided that breast feeding would be the route we would go, so Kala was handling all of the feedings. This is the first thing that really didn't go as I thought it would. I really thought I would be able to help out more with night feedings and pretty much do it whenever I could. But that was not how things went. In order for Kala to keep up her production, and so everyone got the most sleep, she feed Evelyn at night. Along with the feedings, Kala was the one that got that precious bonding time with Evelyn. So I missed out on it. But it was something we couldn't really avoid when you are breastfeeding.

When Kala went back to work the first week in March and Evelyn started going by her sitter; the days, weeks and months started to fly by. Evelyn was slowly becoming her own little person, with her own personality. She was a big mama’s girl during these months. I would play with her as much as I could, help with baths and bed time. But when push came to shove she wanted to go by her mom. Another thing that didn’t go as I thought it would. I took it a little personal at first. Why was Kala getting all the attention? What did I do wrong? But Kala kept telling me that it was just a phase and she would be a daddy’s girl soon enough.

As the summer months past in a blur, Evelyn began crawling, pulling up on things (in early August), walking (Labor day weekend) and eating solid foods. Another change that we started seeing was Evelyn would want to come by me a little more than in the past. I took over meal time when we started doing more solid foods (I have a little more patience then my lovely wife does) and was also able to help out more at bedtime. I think these changes really gave me more of a connection with Evelyn that I was missing in the early months.

This change continued into the holiday season and you could say that the tables have turn in the past year. Evelyn is a pretty big daddy’s girl right now. She will come to me when she is hungry, sleepy, wants me to read her a book or just wants to hang out for a few minutes. Mommy can still get hugs and bath time is still their special time but Evelyn now comes to me when she needs to be rescued. I remind Kala that it is just a phase and she will again be a mommy’s girl soon enough but secretly I am hoping that she stays a daddy’s girl forever.